Lost American Tour


Venice Lost

I cannot believe that blogger lost my Venice post from two days ago. Screw you, blogger. Screw you in your face sideways.

Basically I talked about how Star and I did a Gondola ride. And it was like a shagging wagon. We decided that Pimp My Gondola is the next big reality show.

Then I talked about our B&B. We checked in late at night and were ushered to a sitting room that looked like a religious 70 year old Italian woman decorated it. Then we were taken to a back alley where we were shown to the Hobbit Hole. In the Hobbit Hole, was a nice private room with a kitchen and a bathroom. The clerk waited until then to tell us that the dorms were all filled up, but we were paying the same price for that really nice room.

Then I talked about how I was spending loads of money in Venice. I ate some pizza on the Rialto bridge along the grand canal. I met some girls from Minnesota (WTF). We hung out in St. Mark's square a lot. We got lost a billion times (because that is what makes Venice so fun).

Also, there was this one time we were going to our Hobbit Hole where some dudes from 3 stories above us dumped water out the window, which caused me to scream because it startled me. Then we tried to get into our room for the first time without the clerk and couldn't open the door. I lost my shit because I hadn't eaten in a while. But then we got me food and I was ok.

I think I also said something about how to keep me happy on a trip. Mostly, if I get pissed off, just throw food at me. It settles me down every time. Also, it helps if we aren't lost.

Stupid stupid blogger. Or maybe it was the dodgy internet in Italy. Whatever. It was probably Ken's fault for saying that I should look up Kiddy Porn while at an internet cafe in Vatican City. Yup, blaming you, Ken.


At 4:28 AM, Anonymous Ken said...

I didn't specify that it had to be of the kiddy nature. I mean if that's your thing more power to you and all. But if you are looking for a more reliable service than blogger you should check out magicster.org.

At 12:13 AM, Blogger ella said...

well, i can't change it now....


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