Lost American Tour


I Can't Feel My Toes

Ok, so I did this Architecture walking tour that was in my Berlin book. And now I'm damn tired. I saw some of the strangest embassies ever. Like Italy is the Barbie Dream Embassy. I went into a bunch of government buildings. Saw more stuff. You know, the usual. I also walked past this park when dudes cruise for other dudes, Tiergarden. Good times. Didn't see any gay men, though.

And I may punch each and every person I see making out in the streets. It is cold and gross, get a room. Yeah, that's the jealousy talking. I haven't gotten to make out since 2005. Ok, granted, it was December 30th. But whatever. That's over a month at this point. I think I've forgotten how to do it. I may now suck at it.

Seriously, this is the shit that goes through my head when I don't have anyone to talk to. I laugh to myself a lot.

On the S-Bahn today, a girl totally mistook me for someone who knows what is going on. She asked me some question in German really fast. All I could say was "Ich verstehe nicht..." before she turn-heeled and walked away. I think I actually understood her question, but I didn't care enough without any food in my belly.

I remembered the 4th sponsor of this trip. Sprite. I've been drinking it everywhere. Until you see "Obey your thirst" in Greek, you haven't lived. I've seen it in 6 languages now, and Greek is my favorite. I think it is because of their alphabet.

funny story:

This is the stuff that you people live for.

I was on the train from the airport. I didn't know if I was on the right train, but I was mostly sure. I asked these 4 older British people if it was the S9. They seriously just ignored me and were like "meh". And went on talking in their stuffy accents about things that are much too expensive to mention.

As it turns out, these people probably couldn't tell the difference between their asshole from their elbow. Once the train hit the second stop, I knew I was on the right track. Meanwhile, the old brits are loud. Like, jet engine loud. Everyone knows they are a bit lost and a bit British.

We get to this one station and one of the dudes asks which one it is. The older lady (in the most gawd awful fur I've seen in my life) says "Ausgang". I immediately laugh because these people are just fucked. That's the word for exit. She insists a few more times that the station is "Ausgang" until one of the dudes finally checks the map and doesn't see Ausgang on the station list. By now, I'm laughing pretty hard.

I think I might've helped them out if they weren't so cunty to me in the first place. They barely managed to get off at the right stop. And there were four of them to figure it out.


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